Stella's Groove

So I have been doing some thinking lately...pick up your jaws from the keyboard...it's true. For the last few years my family and I have been fighting our way through a very long journey that continues to go on...without giving away details I would like to share with you a part of what I have learned. My life and that of my family has kind of come to a fork in the road these past couple of weeks and I have found myself in a situation that I never imagined myself to be in and it has taken it's toll on my life and my attitude about life in general. One day, while I was making chili sauce (yes, canning chili sauce, pick it up again) and trying to dance, I realized that (after fighting the urge to do the electric slide and the running man) I was pretty sure that somewhere amidst this trial (and probably just life in general) I had lost my joy. Now, in passing this may sound cliche and maybe not that big of a deal, but really think about it. What would life be like without the ability to have joy among the daily dredge of life? It would suck...and it does. I am particularly good at faking it though, in fact the everyday person (and most of my really good friends) would never even know it. (Reminiscent of Taylor Swift's Tied Together With a Smile) But there it is... as clear as anything has ever been in my life, I, Bethy Bo Bunnie Queen of the Family Room Dance, couldn't dance! It is gone and I want more than anything to get it back.
My groove.
I went to the RS Broadcast last Saturday hoping to find some amazing indication that the Lord was aware of me and what I needed. I left home early to get some theraputic shopping done, very hard to do when you don't have money by the way. It didn't help. I got to the Stake Center late, on purpose, so that I could sit alone in the back and cry if need be. I sat and listened to a talk about Personal Revelation, nothing. Temple attendance, nothing. President Utchdorf got up and so many things hit me and it had nothing to do with my particular situation really but it gave me something to focus on and think about. Create smiles. Create Beauty. Create Joy. Take normal life experiences and create beauty. He challenged me to take unorganized matter and make it beautiful. He ended by telling me to hold my head up and to walk out of there that night and be strong and find joy. Then the closing hymn--"rejoice, my friends, I say rejoice!" I, at that moment was glad that I had chosen to sit at the back and that I had stopped by the bathroom to grab a big ol' wad of (one ply cheap-o) church TP because I realized that the only thing that I can do to get through this mess in my life is to create beauty myself and pray to have the fortitude to notice. So that is what I am going to do. Whether it is a beautiful meal, beautiful trip to Wal-Mart with the four kiddos in tow, beautiful moment pushing my two babies in the swings. I can only control what I can control...how I react to what is given me. This will be how Stella get's her groove back. Just you watch. I will not let this test take me and my family down, it's just not going to happen!

I will be journalling my progress at thestellagroove.blogspot.com...if you want to join me on this qwest for my groove check it out...if you don't then don't!