The Mighty Mighty Rudds

We are us! We dedicate this blog to nothing in particular. It's just a bunch of stuff that I feel like writing! I can't promise that it will be updated frequently but I will try to scrounge up something of interest every once in a while! I wouldn't want to disappoint our eager fans!! Hold onto your seats this is going to be an exciting ride!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Stella's Groove

So I have been doing some thinking lately...pick up your jaws from the keyboard...it's true. For the last few years my family and I have been fighting our way through a very long journey that continues to go on...without giving away details I would like to share with you a part of what I have learned. My life and that of my family has kind of come to a fork in the road these past couple of weeks and I have found myself in a situation that I never imagined myself to be in and it has taken it's toll on my life and my attitude about life in general. One day, while I was making chili sauce (yes, canning chili sauce, pick it up again) and trying to dance, I realized that (after fighting the urge to do the electric slide and the running man) I was pretty sure that somewhere amidst this trial (and probably just life in general) I had lost my joy. Now, in passing this may sound cliche and maybe not that big of a deal, but really think about it. What would life be like without the ability to have joy among the daily dredge of life? It would suck...and it does. I am particularly good at faking it though, in fact the everyday person (and most of my really good friends) would never even know it. (Reminiscent of Taylor Swift's Tied Together With a Smile) But there it is... as clear as anything has ever been in my life, I, Bethy Bo Bunnie Queen of the Family Room Dance, couldn't dance! It is gone and I want more than anything to get it back.
My groove.
I went to the RS Broadcast last Saturday hoping to find some amazing indication that the Lord was aware of me and what I needed. I left home early to get some theraputic shopping done, very hard to do when you don't have money by the way. It didn't help. I got to the Stake Center late, on purpose, so that I could sit alone in the back and cry if need be. I sat and listened to a talk about Personal Revelation, nothing. Temple attendance, nothing. President Utchdorf got up and so many things hit me and it had nothing to do with my particular situation really but it gave me something to focus on and think about. Create smiles. Create Beauty. Create Joy. Take normal life experiences and create beauty. He challenged me to take unorganized matter and make it beautiful. He ended by telling me to hold my head up and to walk out of there that night and be strong and find joy. Then the closing hymn--"rejoice, my friends, I say rejoice!" I, at that moment was glad that I had chosen to sit at the back and that I had stopped by the bathroom to grab a big ol' wad of (one ply cheap-o) church TP because I realized that the only thing that I can do to get through this mess in my life is to create beauty myself and pray to have the fortitude to notice. So that is what I am going to do. Whether it is a beautiful meal, beautiful trip to Wal-Mart with the four kiddos in tow, beautiful moment pushing my two babies in the swings. I can only control what I can control...how I react to what is given me. This will be how Stella get's her groove back. Just you watch. I will not let this test take me and my family down, it's just not going to happen!

I will be journalling my progress at thestellagroove.blogspot.com...if you want to join me on this qwest for my groove check it out...if you don't then don't!

13 comments:

Jill said...

Hey Bethany,
Wow...so profound! I had no idea you felt this way! You are an amazing person and if it makes you feel better, you probably got more groove and moves than me! We should go try out for "So you think you can dance" like that other mom from Utah!!! We would work her performance!!!
N-e-hoo...don't get down on yourself! You are so fun and so creative and so dependable and so easy to talk to...I could go on and on! You rock girl! I am grateful for your friendship..call me ANYTIME!!!

Tassi Smith said...

Sniffle, sniffle.

Palmer family said...

I have been a canning fool lately. (I love it but it really is a ton of work and I'm ready for the "harvest" to be over I think!) I would LOVE your chili sauce recipe, seriously! Will you email it to me? :)
I missed seeing you in AZ at the get together at Krazy Sub. It was fun to be there and see everyone and eat yummy food. Maybe another time!?!!

Strong Family - said...

Hey! I actually am commenting because from the far depths of my memory I think that tomorrow is your birthday. If so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! If not, then happy birthday already or pretty soon. :-) Lauree

Emily K. said...

I just know that you are one strong woman, and if something is bothering you, it is probably major. I'm sorry about your trials. I always try to remember what I heard once: If everyone laid their trials out on the table, we would always choose our own. I, too, need to work to get my grooves back. I will be checking your other blog often, and know that you are not alone in the fight!

Abby said...

Beth, have I ever told you that I want to be you someday? 'Cause I do. Your example has always been such a strength to me, and I think it always will be. I love you and am praying for you, big sister.

Tawni said...

Thanks for sharing what you learned, it always helps to hear how others get through life.
I hope you can truly find the beauty and that you enjoy your life fully.
I am working on that as well.
It is easy to let the simple, beautiful things fall, but we can find them again.
Good luck!

Nettie said...

You're neat. Truly.

JLJ said...

Happy Birthday Bethany! (a day late)

Yes, you're right. You are very good at hiding your stress. Even in this post about not having joy, it is joyous and made me laugh. I feel sad to think that you've been going through such a rough patch without anyone knowing it; you're always smiling, showing up to activities, teaching your primary class. I think I would be trying to get sympathy from every corner! I really admire your strength, but don't be reluctant to ask for help. My husband is your home-teacher, that alone entitles you to at least SOME free-babysitting from me : ) or anything. Seriously.

Kunz Family said...

Thanks for that Bethany. If I have learned anything through all this... it is you have to come out of the fog and breath at some point, otherwise you would suffocate. I love your words. thanks.

Jill said...

Bethany, I've just been thinking of ya! I hope you're doing ok! Hang in there, you are so amazing and so strong and all of us laveeners love ya!

Chase said...

I thought of you and Tait during Elder Holland's talk. You are an amazingly strong person and hopefully you get that groove back. Tatum and I love you both.

Abraham and Jill Wells said...

I just want to thank you for your post. You have inspired me to truly find a way to get my groove back too! Abe and I love you and are praying for you Bethany!