Grow and Regrowth

It is getting warm and you know what that means. Me and my Schick for Women are getting reacquainted. Awww, shaving your legs. I hate it. It hates me. I only do it because others do and if I ever live somewhere where I don't have to or where people wouldn't run and scream in horror, I will stop altogether (except the pits because that is just gross.). I hate that one little patch of hair that inevitably gets missed, usually around the ankle or knee, you know, right where it is sure to not be missed by eyes, only a razor. I hate that it takes so long in the shower when you have children peeping in on you ask, "How much longer are you gonna be!?" (aha, the cause of the missed spots has been identifed). However, I especially hate that when you are done, as if they know that you just spent time and energy getting your legs baby soft and smooth, the goosebumps. The goosebumps that you madly rub away as soon as they tingle in the leggage area. The regrowth-- after all of that foam, and water, and schicking. Hate that too cause now that is one less day you have to not shave your legs.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to just not care about goosebumps?

I have and I didn't care the other day and this has sent me to a very deep place of thoughts about stuffing things (and no not my swimming suit--that is a story for another day) and trying to rub away things that we feel. And now I will share my deep thoughts with you...

It all began when I was driving one day, somewhere, and I had, of course, shaved my legs that morning. I was baby soft and smooth and then a song on the radio cause the tingle to come on in my legs. I started the usual panicky feeling and reached down to rub those little buggers away but I stopped...I wasn't going to fight it anymore. If I was having goosebumps--let them come. I sat there and had the most wonderful feeling. No restraint, just goosebumps. I let it envelope me and wash over me and then just as suddenly as they came, they were gone and I was left alone with my thoughts.

When did I stop allowing things that I feel to envelope me?

How did I learn that behavior? As a child? Perhaps. Do I allow my children to feel their feelings or do I encourage them to stuff them because it isn't "appropriate" or "right"? I have been struggling the last few years with emotions that I don't know what to do with and I have been working hard at working through things instead of rubbing them out as to not disturb my smooth exterior. It feels so good to just be sad if I am sad, or be happy if I am happy, or be depressed if I am depressed. Of course there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with those emotions and as we grow up we learn that this is often times situational but maybe if I am in a place where I can't feel it in the way I want to to just shelf it until I can feel it completely and not stuff it away like an old sleeping bag only to be pulled out for the yearly campout.

This little moment in my car allowed me to see how totally freeing it is to just let a feeling envelope you for a moment without fighting it or worrying if it is the "right" way to feel. I think as a women we don't feel things the way we are meant too. We have so many responsibilities that there isn't time to just sit and say, "I am sad. It is crappy and I am sad." I also think we don't allow others to be that way because it makes us uncomfortable to see others not HAPPY (!) all the time and plus we want to fix it. Sometimes maybe it doesn't need to be fixed, just nurtured and strengthened until it passes.

I got home and talked to Hubby about it and we have a renewed effort to help our children express their emotions in a healthy way and in safe places. We also are going to laugh more and cry more ourselves--I don't want my kids to feel like there are proper and improper emotions. They are ALL good and are ALL given to us as part of our mortal experience. I really believe that the Lord wants us to FEEL them ALL and as part of our MISSION ON EARTH (said in a booming, movie trailor voice) we are supposed to learn what to do with each one. That means anger too. That is a tricky one. I have a renewed energy to the cause of allowing my emotions to come through and to not be a Stepford Wife and if that means that I might seem "broken" to others then so be it cause guess what (?!) I get sad. I get happy. I get angry. I get lonely. I get insecure. I get silly. I get discouraged. And I thank the Lord for allowing that. I am grateful that it was that Plan that got chosen...opposition...it is what makes us grow and regrow--and have regrowth. And I want to feel it ALL.